Strategy Changes in the Howard Dean Campaign Following the Iowa Debacle

Will no longer rally supporters by blasting G.G. Allin’s “Outlaw Scumfuc” over the PA.

Will give up unnerving vocal shrieks during campaign speeches, and only use the phrase, “Am I wrong?” for emphasis.

Will insert lines from “Goodnight Moon” into stump speeches.

Will hire comedian Stephen Wright to open campaign appearances.

Will stop calling his supporters “Deaniacs” and now refer to them as “My Funny Little Friends”

Will switch to decaf from shooting speedballs for breakfast.

Selected Sound Bites from Howard Dean’s Ear-Curdling Concession Speech in Iowa

"Kerry? Was there a ‘Kerry’ in this race? I sure didn’t goddamn think so until you doughnut-gumming geriatric morons showed up."

"When I’m president, mark my words, I go regime-change on Iowa’s ass. First day. That I can fucking guarantee."

"That’s ok, no problem Iowa, seriously. Just remember these words: Goodbye corn, hello scorched-earth policy."

"Goddammit Trippi, I told you, FIFTY thousand ecstasy tabs, not FIVE thousand."

Someone Must Have Confused Us With Someone Else

It seems the Farm has been nominated for a Bloggie award in the category of "Best-Kept Secret Weblog." We are touched. For the past year, LF.com staff have dedicated an, albiet small, portion of our existance to providing the Farm's reader(s) with the most entertainment for the least amount of work on our part. It seems, in doing so, we have succeeded in urging one of our devoted, post-penal fans to hurl stinky eggs at the Bloggie headquarters until an obviously drunk intern put our name on the ballot. This is great. We feel wonderful. Please vote for us early and often. If you do, we will sneak some shrimp out of the awards ceremony and leave them in your mailbox for snacking. Buy some cocktail sauce now so you'll have it ready when the time comes. And a nice Chardonnay. Thanks again.

LasagnaFarm

Fake Poll of the Day: What do Today's Eighth Graders Think of the Iowa Caucus?

Q: In which state is the Iowa Caucus?

25% Idaho
24% West Vagina
18% Secaucus
16% Iowa
12% In your butt
10% F-you


Q: Which political party do the participating candidates represent?

25% USA
24% Democrackheads
18% Republicans
16% Asscracks
12% Democratic
10% F-you


Q: Name one of the candidates.

25% Jim Carey
24% Kuspinach
18% Howard Dean
16% Dick Weiner
12% Your Mom
10% F-you


Q: What office are the candidates running for?

25% Caucus of Iowa
24% American Idol
18% President
16% Terminator
12% King Schwetty Balls
10% F-you