Sorry it's been so light this week. At work, they're riding me harder than Joe Eszterhas' coke mirror.

What does LasagnaFarm Need Next

With a nod to the New Yorker

Krucoff, of TOP: "A kick-ass laser tag arena. We're talking about LasagnaFarm, right?"

Warren, of WaWa's World: "Can we have LasagnaFarm Celebrity Poker?"

Man in Office: "More warm things like mittens. Fewer cold things. Like Lara Flynn Boyle."

Dave Epstein, watcher, "Real World: San Diego": A theme song, something to inspire the youth of today perhaps sung by the LasagnaFarm choir and interpreted by the Solid Gold Dancers (granted, who are getting on in age).

Harvey Weinstein, rotund producer: "Three things: bondage, bondage, bondage. Four things: bondage, bondage, bondage, and a smorgasbord."

Kid Dig It, editor, gadfly: "To secede and take Staten Island with it. A riverboat gambling casino run by the native Americans, and when I say native Americans, I mean the Vikings, who discovered this place first off."

Reason Why Bunsen Will Always Be Several Magnitudes Funnier than LasagnaFarm

Bunsen:

Proposed Additions to the Chinese Calendar

--Year of the Ignorant White Devil Who is Slowly Being Poisoned to Death with MSG and Repeatedly Insists His Beef and Broccoli is a Too Light on the Beef, Do You Understand Me, Charlie Chan?, Don't Worry, Honey, He Doesn't Understand Any English that's Not on the Menu

--Year of the Joke that's So Convoluted that it Can't Easily Be Determined if it's Racist or a Lame Indictment of Racism

More

Lines Used by New York’s Worst Pickup Artists

How do NYC’s worst-case Lotharios close the deal? Lets’s see. (With a tip of the hat to the New York Times.)

"I love your dress. Who says irony is dead."

"Your eyes are more nuanced than the screen of my Treo 600. Wanna see it in action?"

"Since I started with Qi Gong, multiple orgasms are no problemo, at least for me."

"I live in New Rochelle, what’s your sign?"

"Lets get you liquored up, already. It’s almost 12:30."

"Are you sure? I’ve heard most women with feet as big as yours also have ingrown nipples. My mistake."

"You are so interesting. Can I interview you for my blog?"

Top Search Terms LasagnaFarm Visitors Used to Get Here

At least we didn't get anyone searching for "Star Jones Gastric Bypass" this week. (For the first time in six months, BTW.)

#reqs: search term
-----: -----------
26: paris hilton
2: flashyourrack.com
1: college girls f****** for tuition fees
1: gay flight attendants
1: dollar bill detroit linkin park
1: download wat da hook gon be -ringtone
1: david lee roth balding
1: flashyourrack
1: sporting good stores dodgeball nyc
1: photos a guys points someone with a gun
1: i'm not a number island
1: rosie sale virginity
1: pictures ashton kuchner
1: dodge dart hang 10