Lockhart Steele, a Lothario
Word on the street is a friend of mine went drinking with this chap. I must know more, but everyone's lips are steeled. Ahahahahahah. Damn them!

Build Your Own Glossary
Now this is a sharp idea for the linguist anthropologist in all of us, or a boon for the blocked writer pining for a new way to say "spaghetti" (aka "dinner of losers"). You can build your own glossary of terms and define them any way you want. Snarky! Know wot I mean?

Iraqi Road?
Ya think Google mighta misfired this feature on its Google News page? I suppose it could be a subtle ploy to bring some good ol' fashioned fun to wartime news coverage. Either way, the headline above just about wrote itself, didn't it?

Stalking Gawker
I've learned a bit more about the elusive Gawker kids from this Kottke gent. It's a byzantine (some say labrynthine) web of connections and accomplises, but I am getting to the bottom of it. I will infiltrate, and when I do, I will bring you all with me. We will hold hands as we enter the inner-circle (picture James Spader entering that circle thing in "Stargate." Cool, eh.

Tracking Steele
I've been keeping an eye on this Lockhart bon homme for some time now. Here, I draw closer. There are some telling hints in here. I have my magnifying glass and graph paper out and am charting what I have learned.

Flexible Paper
Oh for god's sake, arrive already. I need this NOW. Reading the newspaper without all those ink smudges on my hands (and wacking the dog's nose with a digital paper) is all I have left to live for. Hurry scientists, hurry.

That Little Meta-fucker
To follow up on this Stephen Glass fiasco, my first thought was how this AHotFO (a-hole of the first order) STILL can't figure out how to do anything right. Summed up best by my new hero, Leon Wieseltier, :"The creep is doing it again," said Leon Wieseltier, literary editor of The New Republic. "Even when it comes to reckoning with his own sins, he is still incapable of nonfiction. The careerism of his repentance is repulsively consistent with the careerism of his crimes." NY Times

Roman a Clef Palate
Sick, sick, sick I am of shit like this. Discredited overambitious journo fictionalizes his memoirs and, blam!, his whole sordid canon of fabricated stories, fictional quotes, fact-checking deceptions, and other supremely unethical and just plain stoopid hacking becomes art. It bodes well for Jayson Blair, the reporter recently let go by the New York Times for filing stories concocted from OPP (other papers' pieces). Angrier than I about this situation is Neal Pollack, who lashes back with his own roman a clef.

I Prefer the iPoop
C'mon, how cool is this porta-potty? As if I would EVER touch that mouse and keyboard. You've got to be kidding me. I don't even touch the toilet paper in a public loo.

To The Moon, Jets!
Damn you, damn you damn you, damn Jets to Brazil enhanced CD. Crash my Mac one more time and I'm going to Jeremy's house and put his cat in the Whirlpool. No, I won't. Just cut it out, ok?

Lord of the wha?
I think Makowka is going to have to fight hard to get this from Spinnn.

Print Your Own Book
Is this the only way I'm ever going to get my children's book published? Probably. So sad, so sad.

How Meta Is This?
Pseudo New York celebs I'd like to meet so I could get one step closer to graydon carter:
- aaron from 601am
- elizabeth and nick from Gawker
- the lockhart steele person
- anyone who's ever written for daily candy
- randy dude from HiFiNY

Modern Drunkard Magazine
This mag is, believe it or not, real. I think it's purpose is recreation drinking. Glorification or niche revenue opportunity? Your call.

Ready, Set ...
Number of emails received about pending cleanout of office fridge = 5
Number of misspelled words in email about pending fridge cleanout = 6
Number of font colors used in email about pending fridge cleanout = 4
Number of times office fridge has been cleaned out = 0

Letters to a Young Web Programmer
Bored with that magnetic refrigerator poetry set you got from crotchety Aunt Cheapass? Try this out.

New York, New York, a Helluva Clown
The onion steps to Mayah B.

NEWSFLASH: Truth Funnier than Fiction

Truth scored one against satire, today, when the Miami Herald published this non-story. OK, it's not that funny.