Archeologists Find Donner Party Artifacts
 
CNN is reporting today that archeologists may have found
physical remnants of the fated Donner Party, the unfortunate group of westward travelers that, as many historians will recount unless you stop them cold by faking a stomach virus, starved to death while being stranded in the Sierra Nevada mountains during the winter of 1846-47. Some members of the party, infamous for their attempts to stay alive by eating their dogs, their luggage, and finally, each other, survived the harrowing ordeal, only to be tagged "cannibals" by their fellow citizens upon rescue.  (The outrage!)
 
LasagnaFarm, which can barely make it through a New York winter without whining about having to fight the homeless for space on sidewalk heating grates, has obtained a drawing of one of the found artifacts. Be warned: what you are about to see is graphic. And by graphic I mean a graphic.
 

Gawker Snuffs Bill; Oh Really?, No O'Reilly

Gawker Snuffs Bill; Oh Really?, No O'Reilly

LasagnaFarm is hardly in the business of kissing problog ass. Oh, who are we kidding, if it weren't for the Gawker/Defamer juggernaut, we could never have moved from our parents' garage into their "finished" sub-basement. (Sorry about that Rusty, I'll replace the Alpo.) Payback starts now, in the form of the following chart comparing the past year's Alexa-tracked site traffic rankings of the Gawked one to that of Fox News's cranky ol'-Reilly. As you can see, Gawk came out of the box itching for a fight, and after months of sparring with the nonogenarian bile salesman, left Billoreilly.com choking on its beta blockers. Where does LasagnaFarm's ranking (in green) stack up in comparison to these two? Shut up. Just SHUT UP!

Ten Miles of Badly Named Road

Ten Miles of Badly Named Road



From today's NYT comes this piece on an incident of particularly insensitive street naming in Texas:

The name of the country lane, Jap Road, has long angered many Japanese-Americans. Equally outraged are numerous people who live on Jap Road, which has 100 or so residences; they view criticism of their address as meddling in their affairs.

Residents of Guinea Boulevard, Polack Street and Heebie Hollow were quoted as saying, "Shut up you bastards, you'll get us all killed."

Future Installments of Robert Ludlum’s Jason Bourne Series

Future Installments of Robert Ludlum’s Jason Bourne Series

The Bourne Fabulosity
The Bourne Profitability
The Bourne Tax Deferred Annuity
The Bourne Sanguinity
The Bourne Congeniality
The Bourne Domesticity
The Bourne Ambiguity
The Bourne Bisexuality
The Bourne Loquacity
The Bourne Obscenity
The Bourne Liability
The Bourne Humidity
The Bourne Perspirability
The Bourne Irritability
The Bourne Implausibility
The Bourne Monstrosity
The Bourne Bankrupcy
The Bourne Unemployability
The Bourne Perpendicularity
The Bourne Glandulosity
The Bourne Rotundity
The Bourne Hepatotoxicity
The Bourne Assisted Living Facility
The Bourne Sentimentality
The Bourne Religiosity

Sex Acts Roundup: Six Feet Under vs. Nip/Tuck

Sex Acts Roundup: Six Feet Under vs. Nip/Tuck

Scant sexual activity on HBO's Six Feet Under this past week caused LasagnaFarm to miss a balloon payment on the video motion sensors and analytical supercomputing hardware that comprises its Sex Acts Roundup technology infrastructure. With the bank's repossession wet team hot on our asses, LF decided to use the processing power to compare this week's episode of SFU with that of FX's softcore Nip/(F)uck. The resulting analysis is jarring, but it could keep LF alive an extra few days. Enjoy.

Six Feet Under (Nip/Tuck)

Man on top: 0 (236, give or take)

Faked orgasms: 0 (1)

Awkward narrative leading to act of female self love: 0 (2)

Awkward narrative leading to implausable post-operative sex between doctor and recipient of recent clitoral reconstruction surgery: 0 (1)

Obvious narrative that could lead to experimentative sex between female art student and gratuitously hot-and-sassy lesbian: 1 (0)

Assembly-line oocyte fertilization of psycho babymamma: 0 (1)

Bondage involving french-horn-playing hipster: 1 (0)

Wam, bam, no dice sir (oral): 0 (2)


Last week's Sex Feet Under: Sex Acts Roundup