Scenes from “The Day After The Day After Tommorrow,” the Sequel to the Movie About Catastrophic Climate Change Opening Today

EXT. – NEW YORK, NY. CORNER OF 5TH ST. AND AVE. C

Man 1: Dude, it’s fucking cold.

Man 2: Shit, we’re outta food.

Man 1: Crap. (dies)

Man 2: (dies)

Separated at Birth?

Muslim cleric and suspected terrorist conspirator Abu Hamza al-Masri and N'awluns funkmaster Dr. John.

The Motherland: A Travelogue, Part Tre

Food in Italy is not mere sustenance; it is a cultural flashpot. Italians not only enjoy universally recognizable cuisine like linguini, ravoli, anchovies, and lasagna, but also favor less-well-known Italian specialties, like Mc Donald's. Mc Donald's restaurants in Italy are much like those elsewhere, with slight regional differences in menu. For example, because of the metric system, the Quarter Pounder was replaced by the .0000002875123765298 Hectare with Cheese, which remains is a local favorite, and Chicken Mc Nuggets are known as Piccole Parti del Pollo Fritto, Preso Dalla Mano e Mangiato Molto Rapidamente in una Macchina.

Just like in the US, children from all over Italy love Ronald McDonald, the worldwide representative of McDonalds. In Italy, however, Ronald is also a member of the rock group Kiss.



Next ... Art

The Motherland: A Travelogue, Part Due

Italy is a country rich in archeological history. For instance, there are thousands of ancient churches, called "churches ancient" built by roving bands of freemasons, like Walt Disney, who now control the world's banking system. Antecedent civilizations that once trod the countryside in skimpy armored skirts, like the Etruscians, the Romans, the Sbarros, and the Crips, each left their mark on Italy's cultural landscape by building new structures on top of existing ones. Such acts yielded multi-dimentional treasures like Rome's Arc di Fatburger, Milan's La Scala Di Home Depot, and Venice's Piazza San Marco and Vacuum Cleaner Repair.

Many of the buildings in which Italians conduct their day-to-day lives are more than 1,000 years old. Residences built before the days of indoor plumbing were subsequently great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfathered into new urban building codes. Instead of showers, many Italians wash themselves under leaks in the ceiling, and utilize a separate, knee-high sink, called a bidet, for drunk Americans and Englishpeople to pee in.

Next ... The food.