Krucapone Flees Gotham

Krucapone Flees Gotham

With this being the last day of Gothamist Interview, The Krucoff Years, LasagnaFarm -- with some inspiration from Rob Sterling, propriator of erstwhile NJ blog Boro6.com -- would like to wave oh-rav-whore (on behalf of G-mist, I suppose) to its favorite Proust-on-Stanton in the only way we can. Godspeed, AK. The resemblence, minus the syphillis we hope, is uncanny.

Ask Cronos: Election-Year Edition

Ask Cronos: Election-Year Edition




Dear Cronos,

I am of Conservative political views and my husband, Rick, is a registered Democrat. In the past, we never argued about politics, but this being a Presidential election year -- our first as a couple (we just celebrated our two-year anniversary) -- tempers have been running pretty high in our household. Just this week, Rick put up a poster of Michael Moore in our den, with a banner he printed on his computer that reads, “Take that, you fascist slut.” In response, I took his good shirts out back and threw them into the cesspool, along with his commemorative 1969 Mets beer tray, which he loves. Then, Rick dunked my head right into the upstairs toilet, saying, “Lets see William F. Buckley get you out of this one, you Saudi oil-guzzling skank.” How can we make it through this difficult election year and stay together?

Pat Jennings
St. Louis, MO


Dear Ms. Jennings,

Politics is a wicked whoremaster, one who doth remit its brutal wrath in the blood of pathetic wards like yourself and this husband “Rick” of whom you speak. The contempt of Cronos for those, like yourselves, who suckle at the teat of authority is venomous and unceasing, which brings to mind a lyric from Cronos’ 1981 recording "Welcome To Hell," featuring his noble Venom bandmates, Mantas and Abaddon, fiery purveyors of guitar and drums:

Fight, we will fight right,
Living low in a world of our own,
Destined to live right, fight,
We're taking hell as our home,
Burning lives burning,
Asking me for the mercy of god,
Ancient cries crying,
Acting fast upon the way of the dog,

Welcome to hell,
Welcome to hell,
Welcome to hell,
Welcome to hell.

Welcome to hell, indeed, Ms. Jennings. May the dark lord cast your soul, and that of Rick, in fire. May you be torn asunder, your bones turned to cinder, as the evil king's caldron of flame renders your corpses unto the mighty forces of the netherworld. Bah.


Regards,

Cronos


Previously on Ask Cronos

Self-Help Books We Only Wish Someone Would Write, First Edition

Self-Help Books We Only Wish Someone Would Write, First Edition

“Why Dumptrucks Resent Us, and Why You Should Care”

“Craft Projects for the Homebound: Decorating with Skin Grafts”

“Call to Arms: Defending Your Family Against the Golfing Community”

“Seven Wives For Each Brother: Confessions of a Mormon Tabernacle Choir Groupie”

“I Can’t Stop Drooling: A Memoir”

“Marcia’s Household Hints, Volume 2: Where Does Lint Get Its Goddamn Nerve?”

“Home-Based Business Success: Launching a Crackhouse for Fun and Profit”

“I Remember Now. The String Tied to My Severed Finger Was to Remind Me to Fix the Brakes: Bicycle Safety for the Absentminded”

“Don’t Call Me Bunny, Motherfucker: The Secret Lives of Rabbits”

This Is It, Honest. No More. Seriously

This Is It, Honest. No More. Seriously

Can we milk this any further? You already know the answer to that.


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Are We Going to Keep This Up All Day?

Are We Going to Keep This Up All Day?

When is this joke going to get old? Uh...


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No, Really, This Time the New York Post Has the Scoop

No, Really, This Time the New York Post Has the Scoop

This time, the Post has the Kerry story wired. Really.


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The New York Post Has the Scoop

EXTRA, EXTRA: The New York Post Has the Scoop

Stop the presses! The New York Post has the real scoop on John Kerry's pick for running mate. Forget everything you've heard, the Post has the real deal this time, seriously.




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