Behind-the-Curve Rant of the Day: Dennis Miller on CNBC

Can someone explain to me the odd career trajectory of Dennis Miller? Not long ago, it seemed the comedian was sipping Johnny Walker Blue Label in the gilded corner office of Middlebrow Observational Humor, Ltd. Today, he’s playing strip Scrabble with the likes of John Stossel in the basement headquarters of Media Pricks of Minor Significance, et al. What in the deepest vacuum of hells has happened?

Is it that his CNBC show “Dennis Miller” feels more awkward than the Twister semi-finals at the Convent of the Sacred Heart? Where’s my HBO-period Dennis Miller? I’ve heard more agile moderators in the dementia wing of my local assisted-living facility.

I suppose it’s hard for even an “edgy” (rhymes with “wedgie”) entertainer to meet Fox News on its own Yahtzee board. Fox’s confrontational voice is so natural, so finely hewn, that Roger Ailes should be as highly lauded (by those of all political stripe) as the creators of “The Daily Show” are for constructing a plausible counterpoint to the tired-assed conventions of TV news. Notwithstanding the network’s political leanings (or, wink, its unbiased POV), good, solid conflict may be the blood coursing through its veins, but on-air talent is its brain stem.

We shant forget that Miller is a master of his milleu: written comedy. Having constructed such rants as, “America's ripe with slobs who won't drink any wine unless it's so sweet, every time they take a sip they look up to see if the Kool-aid man is crashing through the wall.” But point me to the programming genius who thought Miller was as good on his feet as, say, Bill Maher, and I’ll show you someone whose wishful thinking has taken him out back and beaten him unconscious. Miller's recent ad-libbing reminds me of an uncle at some backyard BBQ who can't quite synch up the pulling of his finger with an actual fart, thus ruining the joke.

Miller's rants are about his writing, which is often as brilliant as his delivery. But, and I say this to Mr. Miller with the utmost respect, get thee to an improv class.