INTERVIEW WITH AN ITALIAN AMERICAN PERSON WHO IS NOT OFFENDED BY THE MATT LABLANC "FRIENDS" SPINOFF, "JOEY"
Q. We hear your name ends in a vowel. What part of the boot are you from?
A. My grandparents came to America in 1920 from Sfortzando, a small town southeast of San Fillerupwitahitesta, a port city with the most lawyers per capita outside of Washington, DC. It was a very depressed area, economically -- the townspeople had litigated each other into abject poverty.
Q. What about your family?
A. My grandfather was an onion thief by trade, while my grandmother dealt in black kerchiefs. Wearing them, not selling them. The two stowed away on the HMS Winnifred P. Swackhammer as it lay in dry dock, hiding out in a large bushel of fresh hookers, or Putanesca, that was to be loaded on board. The two were never caught and rode in steerage all the way to the Bronx.
Q. Is any of that true?
A. No. But my family and I have moved pretty far, philosophically, from our roots, so we had to make up a story to tell at Knights of Columbus functions. Actually, my grandfather sold earthquake insurance on Staten Island; while his brother speculated on a game he designed called “Slap the Bastard,” which never took hold, though Milton Bradley showed some interest early on. Not exactly a 4-pack of Sylvanias, mia familia.
Q. So, how do you feel about the popularity of Italian American stereotypes in the media, like “The Sopranos,” “Joey,” “Everybody Loves Raymond,” every Tony Danza role from 1979 to 1992, and the dopey friend on "King of Queens" (Yo, Moose!)?
A. I’m not really offended. Since the mid-70s, whenever you set a sitcom in the outer boroughs of New York, you have to have an "eye-talian" for local color. We've virtually cornered the market on dumb-but-loveable alpha-male sexual predators. It’s provided lots of jobs for guys whose prospects were none too good to begin with.
Q. What about George Costanza on "Seinfeld"?
A. That's an emerging market for us; standing in for Jews, so not to tip the Burbank-mandated Jew/Gentile sitcom equilibrium. We're from the same Bronx neighborhoods originally, so it's not much of a stretch. It's actually our pleasure to lend our names to such a cause, since Jewish-owned brokerages hired us on Wall Street when the white-shoe firms wouldn’t even let us run the service elevators; we owe a debt of gratitude. L'chaim, my friends.
Q. So you are not offended by how Italians are portrayed on TV?
A. Why should I be? Everyone loves us, we get loads of chicks. Who the hell would complain?
Q. But don't you want to be taken seriously, respected for accomplishments other than sexual prowess?
A. Not really. Better to operate under the radar.
Q. C’mon, are you serious?
A. Look, we run IBM. Half the front office of American Express is from the old country. Why should I worry about sitcom characters? And we're not even the best at the mafia thing anymore. The Chinese and Russians are much more exciting – at least they're not obese. Anyway, the worst thing about the stereotypes is living up to the false sexual promises. It’s a hell of a lot of pressure for the average guy, let me tell you.
Q. That brings us to “Joey.” You say you’re not offended by the “Friends” spin-off, but the Joey character is quite possibly the dumbest, most ignorant TV persona this side of the White Cop on “Sanford and Son.”
A. He’s just a damn sitcom character. Did the Scotch-Irish community take to the streets over Archie Bunker? You think Sofia Coppola gives a shit about some TV clown? I’d say not. And anyway, I give “Joey” four episodes before they pull the plug. I'ts the same crap that's failed a million times, from "Makin' It" in 1979 with David MacNaughton to Matt LeBlanc's previous failures "Top of the Heap" and "Vinnie and Bobby." He's a one-schtick pony. Being offended by him would be like Pepsi being offended by Sam's Bargain Cola.
Q. We hear your name ends in a vowel. What part of the boot are you from?
A. My grandparents came to America in 1920 from Sfortzando, a small town southeast of San Fillerupwitahitesta, a port city with the most lawyers per capita outside of Washington, DC. It was a very depressed area, economically -- the townspeople had litigated each other into abject poverty.
Q. What about your family?
A. My grandfather was an onion thief by trade, while my grandmother dealt in black kerchiefs. Wearing them, not selling them. The two stowed away on the HMS Winnifred P. Swackhammer as it lay in dry dock, hiding out in a large bushel of fresh hookers, or Putanesca, that was to be loaded on board. The two were never caught and rode in steerage all the way to the Bronx.
Q. Is any of that true?
A. No. But my family and I have moved pretty far, philosophically, from our roots, so we had to make up a story to tell at Knights of Columbus functions. Actually, my grandfather sold earthquake insurance on Staten Island; while his brother speculated on a game he designed called “Slap the Bastard,” which never took hold, though Milton Bradley showed some interest early on. Not exactly a 4-pack of Sylvanias, mia familia.
Q. So, how do you feel about the popularity of Italian American stereotypes in the media, like “The Sopranos,” “Joey,” “Everybody Loves Raymond,” every Tony Danza role from 1979 to 1992, and the dopey friend on "King of Queens" (Yo, Moose!)?
A. I’m not really offended. Since the mid-70s, whenever you set a sitcom in the outer boroughs of New York, you have to have an "eye-talian" for local color. We've virtually cornered the market on dumb-but-loveable alpha-male sexual predators. It’s provided lots of jobs for guys whose prospects were none too good to begin with.
Q. What about George Costanza on "Seinfeld"?
A. That's an emerging market for us; standing in for Jews, so not to tip the Burbank-mandated Jew/Gentile sitcom equilibrium. We're from the same Bronx neighborhoods originally, so it's not much of a stretch. It's actually our pleasure to lend our names to such a cause, since Jewish-owned brokerages hired us on Wall Street when the white-shoe firms wouldn’t even let us run the service elevators; we owe a debt of gratitude. L'chaim, my friends.
Q. So you are not offended by how Italians are portrayed on TV?
A. Why should I be? Everyone loves us, we get loads of chicks. Who the hell would complain?
Q. But don't you want to be taken seriously, respected for accomplishments other than sexual prowess?
A. Not really. Better to operate under the radar.
Q. C’mon, are you serious?
A. Look, we run IBM. Half the front office of American Express is from the old country. Why should I worry about sitcom characters? And we're not even the best at the mafia thing anymore. The Chinese and Russians are much more exciting – at least they're not obese. Anyway, the worst thing about the stereotypes is living up to the false sexual promises. It’s a hell of a lot of pressure for the average guy, let me tell you.
Q. That brings us to “Joey.” You say you’re not offended by the “Friends” spin-off, but the Joey character is quite possibly the dumbest, most ignorant TV persona this side of the White Cop on “Sanford and Son.”
A. He’s just a damn sitcom character. Did the Scotch-Irish community take to the streets over Archie Bunker? You think Sofia Coppola gives a shit about some TV clown? I’d say not. And anyway, I give “Joey” four episodes before they pull the plug. I'ts the same crap that's failed a million times, from "Makin' It" in 1979 with David MacNaughton to Matt LeBlanc's previous failures "Top of the Heap" and "Vinnie and Bobby." He's a one-schtick pony. Being offended by him would be like Pepsi being offended by Sam's Bargain Cola.
posted by Michael at 7:47 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home