In Response to the Freaky Russian Spam E-Mail Message We Received

No, Sergei, we are in no manner of need for a device that will improve the efficacy of our prodigious genitalia. Concerning our genitalia, we feel prodigiousness is its own reward.

However, we do take exception to your use of the term “efficacy” as a stated benefit of your air-pump product. Our genitalia indeed has “the power to produce an effect,” which is the customary definition of efficacy. Are you suggesting your product will augment the power, or the effect of our genitalia? Your position is unclear as written.

Moreover, it is our opinion that efficacy, as an objective characteristic, be reserved for inanimate constructs, such as antibiotics, psychotherapy, nuclear warheads, and advertising campaigns. Our genitalia, while considered by some to have a “mind of its own,” is nonetheless in anatomical union with the rest of us. Perhaps you had in mind the words “effectiveness” or “efficiency”? For the sake of elucidation, we’ll grant that our genitalia is currently both effective, insomuch as it performs as intended, under generally accepted standards of quality, and efficient, in that its design and construction are matched elegantly to its requirements.

As consumers in an established free-market society, we all benefit from a wide range of competing products and services. Your penis pump is certainly no exception to the above. Nonetheless, I must decline your offer.

Sincerely,

LasagnaFarm