Five Office Dos and Don’ts for Killing Time When the Network Goes Down

Do: Entertain coworkers by drawing fun caricatures of them on sheets of legal paper.
Don’t: Sing “Helter Skelter” as you pass the sheets through the paper shredder.

Do: Offer to go out for coffee.
Don’t: Offer to charge the escort service fees to your corporate Amex.

Do: Use the time to clean your computer keyboard and mouse for better performance.
Don’t: Use the time to cleanse your naked soul in the redemptive waters of the admin’s Poland Spring bottle as performance art.

Do: Help organize the supply closet.
Don’t: Help sort photos of your coworkers making out with each other at the last holiday party into categories like “Sluts from Accounting” and “VPs Gone Wild in the Coat Room.”

Do: Encourage a meaningful discussion among coworkers regarding corporate team building and productivity strategies.
Don’t: Encourage a role-playing session by offering to portray the video mosaic patch shielding Paris Hilton’s butt crack on The Simple Life in a squeaky cartoon voice.