"Losing Entry in The Kicker's Michael Jackson's Nose In Prison Contest"

It just so happens I am the on-board medical expert at LasagnaFarm.com by virtue of my day job at Mount Sinai Hospital. When I'm not hitting on rich divorcees in the psych ward, I like to browse our extensive back catalog of Rhinoplasty Quarterly. Michael Jackson is going to be just fine behind bars. Let me try to explain this without cumbersome medical jargon: His mouth and nasal cavity will be routinely pumped with enough semen to maintain sufficient epidermal form and promote cartilage growth in case he bangs his nose making license plates or belt buckles.