AN OPEN LETTER TO WHOEVER ULTIMATELY PUBLISHES THE J. SIMPSON BOOK DISPLAYING HER STUPIDITY

Dear Editor:

Now that you've given Jessica Simpson (sixth item from the top: a book deal on her verbal miscues, will the Soccer Mom go the way of the Literary Bestseller? Maybe now we will be hearing a lot about My-Daughter's-Dumber-Than-Yours Moms, or the My-Daughter's-SAT-Scores-Resemble-a-Coke-Addict's-Sperm-Count Moms (#/ppm). There would be no umbrage taken if Mrs. Simpson was coining spoonerisms or portmanteaus, which would make her the incredibly hot, big-breasted Yogi Berra I find myself wistfully dreaming about far more often than you would think. But at the moment she's just hot and dumb, not even ironic, just a cliche.

Please, Mr(s/s). Editor, tell me how you can shill for a girl whose parents produce a show that displays their cliché-dumb daughter's blunders and boners? Clearly this whole situation calls for an intervention, where we take The Simpson's and force them to watch their daughter read the complete OED from cover to cover whilst listening to the banal warblings of Hubby Nick L. until their eyes water up with boredom and they plead for an earwig to eat out the remaining portions of their (i.e., The Simpson's) brains.

I hope when you retire someday the old office curmudgeon drags out this tome and has it blown up 10X alongside the paycheck you got for it.

Subtly,
The Farm.com