Name That Tune in Seven Words, plus Parenthesis
Is it me, or are there far fewer song titles these days using parenthetical qualifiers? You know what I mean: “Dude (Looks like a Lady),” “(Just Like) Starting Over,” “Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This).” What happened to them? Personally, I think we should leave parenthesis for algebra and faux-cockney asides on hip, urban web sites (know wot I mean, innit?), but what do I know?
The parenthetical qualifier was handy for lots of reasons. For example, if a jukebox owner in 1957 decided he’d rather have another whisky than try to cram the whole title of Rudy Grayzell’s "Looking At The Moon (And Wishing On A Star)" on a single paper label, he could just end the damn thing at “Moon” and order another round. We, of course, can’t imagine such hardships; our jukeboxes have CRT screens with unlimited textual space and digital files of every damn song from ? and the Mysterians’ “96 Tears” to Bikini Kill’s “Thurston Hearts the Who” (Jukebox? What’s a jukebox?), though iPods are another story.
Such titles also came in handy if a song’s hook didn’t match its title, like Greg Kihn’s 1981 hit, The Breakup Song (They Don't Write 'Em) or Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by, uh, that guy in the embroidered jumpsuit. I’ll bet very stoner at every YMCA teen center was grateful for not having to lose his buzz trying to figure out what song was playing on the Salvation Army stereo system, over the clacking of pool balls. Why songwriters insist on confusing listeners by naming songs according to their own artistic agendas is beyond me. It seems pretty self-indulgent, like a double album from Yes of Rick Wakeman tuning his Mellotron.
Then there were the titles engineered by the great media-synergy marketing machine. Many a wily producer in the 1980s used the parenthesis to sneak a reference to a hotly promoted movie or TV show into a the title of a soundtrack hit, such as Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds (Take a Look At Me Now),” Joey Scarbury’s “Theme From "Greatest American Hero (Believe It Or Not),” and Christopher Cross’ “Arthur's Theme (The Best That You Can Do).” Some titles that never made the cut were the “Terminator II Overture (Don’t Hide in There, The T-1000 Will Find You There)” and “Fletch’s Theme (Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, and Doctor).”
AC/DC may have been the kings of the parenthesis. Ain't No Fun (Waiting Round to Be a Millionaire), For Those About to Rock (We Salute You), It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock and Roll), and If You Want Blood (You've Got It) are just a few of the band’s contributions in this area. Don’t get me wrong, I love AC/DC, but everyone knows how wordy drunks can be. Someone should have let them know when to say when.
Though I’m not a big fan of what’s on the pop charts, I think some titles would be much more interesting if the songwriter had only considered the added dimension of a well-placed parenthetical qualifier. I took a stab at regiggering today’s hits. Consider the following possibilities:
“Wat Da (Hook Gon’ Be)”
“Stacy’s (Mom)”
“Front (in')”
“I Love (This Bar)”
“(My Love Is Like)... Wo”
“Ooh (!)”
“P. (I.M.P.)”
Hmm, doesn’t really make a difference one way or the other, does it? There is one such title on the charts, “The Remedy (I Won't Worry),” by Jason Mraz. Well, Mr. Azz, if that is your real name, you have just lost a few points with me, which doesn’t really matter because you registered zero before.
Is it me, or are there far fewer song titles these days using parenthetical qualifiers? You know what I mean: “Dude (Looks like a Lady),” “(Just Like) Starting Over,” “Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This).” What happened to them? Personally, I think we should leave parenthesis for algebra and faux-cockney asides on hip, urban web sites (know wot I mean, innit?), but what do I know?
The parenthetical qualifier was handy for lots of reasons. For example, if a jukebox owner in 1957 decided he’d rather have another whisky than try to cram the whole title of Rudy Grayzell’s "Looking At The Moon (And Wishing On A Star)" on a single paper label, he could just end the damn thing at “Moon” and order another round. We, of course, can’t imagine such hardships; our jukeboxes have CRT screens with unlimited textual space and digital files of every damn song from ? and the Mysterians’ “96 Tears” to Bikini Kill’s “Thurston Hearts the Who” (Jukebox? What’s a jukebox?), though iPods are another story.
Such titles also came in handy if a song’s hook didn’t match its title, like Greg Kihn’s 1981 hit, The Breakup Song (They Don't Write 'Em) or Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by, uh, that guy in the embroidered jumpsuit. I’ll bet very stoner at every YMCA teen center was grateful for not having to lose his buzz trying to figure out what song was playing on the Salvation Army stereo system, over the clacking of pool balls. Why songwriters insist on confusing listeners by naming songs according to their own artistic agendas is beyond me. It seems pretty self-indulgent, like a double album from Yes of Rick Wakeman tuning his Mellotron.
Then there were the titles engineered by the great media-synergy marketing machine. Many a wily producer in the 1980s used the parenthesis to sneak a reference to a hotly promoted movie or TV show into a the title of a soundtrack hit, such as Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds (Take a Look At Me Now),” Joey Scarbury’s “Theme From "Greatest American Hero (Believe It Or Not),” and Christopher Cross’ “Arthur's Theme (The Best That You Can Do).” Some titles that never made the cut were the “Terminator II Overture (Don’t Hide in There, The T-1000 Will Find You There)” and “Fletch’s Theme (Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, and Doctor).”
AC/DC may have been the kings of the parenthesis. Ain't No Fun (Waiting Round to Be a Millionaire), For Those About to Rock (We Salute You), It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock and Roll), and If You Want Blood (You've Got It) are just a few of the band’s contributions in this area. Don’t get me wrong, I love AC/DC, but everyone knows how wordy drunks can be. Someone should have let them know when to say when.
Though I’m not a big fan of what’s on the pop charts, I think some titles would be much more interesting if the songwriter had only considered the added dimension of a well-placed parenthetical qualifier. I took a stab at regiggering today’s hits. Consider the following possibilities:
“Wat Da (Hook Gon’ Be)”
“Stacy’s (Mom)”
“Front (in')”
“I Love (This Bar)”
“(My Love Is Like)... Wo”
“Ooh (!)”
“P. (I.M.P.)”
Hmm, doesn’t really make a difference one way or the other, does it? There is one such title on the charts, “The Remedy (I Won't Worry),” by Jason Mraz. Well, Mr. Azz, if that is your real name, you have just lost a few points with me, which doesn’t really matter because you registered zero before.
posted by Michael at 5:29 PM
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