How Average New Yorkers Spend Their $30,000 Annual Salary

Note #1: If you live in Brooklyn or Queens, adjust these figures by multiplying your...oh forget it. You're too stupid to comprehend this anyway.

Note #2: This chart has an interactive drop-down menu by city/state that dynamically generates comparative data for each locale. Regrettably, we cannot offer this functionality at no-cost. We couldn't find any "pro-bono" database programmers on CraigsList and we ended up getting ass-raped by some NYU ITP punk. (If you see this kid around downtown, please kick him in the nutz.) PayPal $35 to gotoguy@lasagnafarm.com if you want access to this highly valuable marketing tool.


Chapter 2 - A Numbing Look at Your Numbers
Now that chapter one of Book of Wages has shown you what you and your peers-in-$30Gs are like, let us take a closer look at what you could be like. If you saved some of that money. For a long time. A really long time. Some of this may hurt a little, but rest assured that girls always say that humor is the most important thing they look for in a man. But you wouldn't know that: you can't afford to even go out.

At $30,000 a year, you're not going to be able to save much of anything, but, for the sake of argument, if you could manage to somehow save 5% of your income annually ($1,500), it will take you:

2 months to afford the really good drugs.

4 months to afford an entire set of 1973-series Wacky Packages cards, including classics, "Scary Jane" candy, "Crust" toothpaste, and "Cover Goul" mascara. (Courtesy eBay)

3 years to afford a single night in the Coco Chanel Suite, Hotel Ritz Paris. Add one year for a bottle of champagne from the mini bar, and another year if you plan to order local talent for an hour's "company."

75 years to afford the kind of Jakob the Jeweller bling bling that would make Nas and Jay Z respect you.

186.67 years to afford a 2004 Lamborghini Murciélago. Add 5 years for one year's insurance, 24 years if you live in New Jersey.

4533.33 years to afford an 8,500 sq./ft. loft in Tribeca. Add 11.7 years for each year's property taxes. Add 100 years to wire the place for sound and digital cameras to stage a web-based "social experiment." Add 10 years to pay legal fees in lawsuit brought by former girlfriend over toilet-cam issue.