Open Letter to Sofia Coppola
RE: The Coppola Smart Mob, New York Times Magazine
Ms. Coppola,
LasagnaFarm is writing in the hope you will consider us for your network of smart, young associates, recently depicted in the New York Times Magazine.
While we are not particularly successful, or smart, our collective panache, savoir faire, and je suis maladroit, we believe, remunerates our failings in other areas. If you are seeking someone who can conjure kaleidoscopic non-sequiturs at will, whip up fluffy egg-white omelets, carry a large number of unnecessary electronic devices, shoot pellet guns, and stalk second-tier literary figures, we wish to cast our ironically tilted fedoras into the ring, as it were.
Like you and those in your network, such as director Wes Anderson, LasagnaFarm has impeccable taste. Our interests lie mainly in port wine, muscle cars, funnel cakes, the Catskills, calamata olives, iPods, Walter Matthau movies, Reingold beer, the Shaggs, the scientific method, and Asian straight perms. Oh, the conversations we will have over kangaroo sausage at Sunburnt Cow. Our minds reel in anticipation.
Moreover, our skills in the area of diplomacy are second to none. Say you were to encounter a particularly trenchant actor on a set -- Geoffrey Rush, maybe, or Bob Balaban -- who disregarded your screen direction. You could call us, day or evening, and we would offer our sage counsel. “Sof,” we’d say, “tell that shithead we’ve got pictures of his mother in Hef’s Grotto sucking off Don Rickels.” For damn sure he will come over to your side after that.
Most of all, like others in your network, according to the Times, LasagnaFarm will keep you from harm. If we were in your network, it would be as if harm was orbiting Pluto in an empty soda can and you were roasting marshmallows at the earth’s core. That’s how far away from it you will be. Forget harm, seriously.
We are available to meet with you, at your earliest convenience, to further discuss how our skills and experience will enhance the efficacy or your network.
Ciao, Bella
LasagnaFarm.com
RE: The Coppola Smart Mob, New York Times Magazine
Ms. Coppola,
LasagnaFarm is writing in the hope you will consider us for your network of smart, young associates, recently depicted in the New York Times Magazine.
While we are not particularly successful, or smart, our collective panache, savoir faire, and je suis maladroit, we believe, remunerates our failings in other areas. If you are seeking someone who can conjure kaleidoscopic non-sequiturs at will, whip up fluffy egg-white omelets, carry a large number of unnecessary electronic devices, shoot pellet guns, and stalk second-tier literary figures, we wish to cast our ironically tilted fedoras into the ring, as it were.
Like you and those in your network, such as director Wes Anderson, LasagnaFarm has impeccable taste. Our interests lie mainly in port wine, muscle cars, funnel cakes, the Catskills, calamata olives, iPods, Walter Matthau movies, Reingold beer, the Shaggs, the scientific method, and Asian straight perms. Oh, the conversations we will have over kangaroo sausage at Sunburnt Cow. Our minds reel in anticipation.
Moreover, our skills in the area of diplomacy are second to none. Say you were to encounter a particularly trenchant actor on a set -- Geoffrey Rush, maybe, or Bob Balaban -- who disregarded your screen direction. You could call us, day or evening, and we would offer our sage counsel. “Sof,” we’d say, “tell that shithead we’ve got pictures of his mother in Hef’s Grotto sucking off Don Rickels.” For damn sure he will come over to your side after that.
Most of all, like others in your network, according to the Times, LasagnaFarm will keep you from harm. If we were in your network, it would be as if harm was orbiting Pluto in an empty soda can and you were roasting marshmallows at the earth’s core. That’s how far away from it you will be. Forget harm, seriously.
We are available to meet with you, at your earliest convenience, to further discuss how our skills and experience will enhance the efficacy or your network.
Ciao, Bella
LasagnaFarm.com
posted by Michael at 3:05 PM
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