We Saw GQ [Esquire?] Do This Once, and Figure We Could Do It Better. We Were Right.

High-Maintenance Women Vs. Low-Maintenance Women

High-maintenance women expect you to call first; low-maintenance women expect you to hang around till last call

High-maintenance women know which fork to eat with; low-maintenance women know takeout KFC comes with a spork

High-maintenance women know Anna Wintour is the mad scientist behind Vogue; low-maintenance women know Edgar Winter is the albino rocker behind "Frankenstein"

High-maintenance women juggle successful men; low-maintenance women can successfully juggle cans of Bud

High-maintenance women expect to be showered with gifts once a day; low-maintenance women expect you to shower once a day

High-maintenance women turn out for gala events dressed to the nines; low-maintenance women turn their eyelids inside out when they're blotto at 6s and 9s

High-maintenance women dream about a man like Ted Turner; low-maintenance women dream about midnight showings of "Turner and Hooch"

High-maintenance women try to see their name in the New York Times' "Wedding and Celebration" pages; low-maintenance women want to see their name on the chalk board for bar's the pool table

High-maintenance women want you to buy them a painting from an Upper East Side art gallery; low-maintenance women want you to win them the teddy bear from the Coney Island shooting gallery

High-maintenance women will order champagne and caviar; low-maintenance women will order from the drive-thru

High-maintenance women ride in Benz's and Jag's; low-maintenance women go on benders and jags

High-maintenance women spend weekends on the French Riviera ogling tycoons; low-maintenance women spend weekends at Yankee stadium heckling Mariano Rivera