Special Guest Rant
Each day, Lasagnafarm listens for soft voices in the wilderness that, as we approach them, grow to a roar of bitterness and dissent. We like these voices; they make us consider the dispossessed, the unconscionable, and the dodgy as we would, on a typical day, the Olson Twins, Little Debbie cakes, or go-karts. Enjoy.
OPEN LETTER TO BORO6.COM
All Together Now: “What did Delaware, boys? Her New Jersey...”
Yes, let's talk about Boro6's toilet splash on the tri-me-state blog scene. First, I haven't been this disgusted with real estate fauxtaposing since the various attempts by gold-panning brokers in the early/mid '90s to throw the "LoHo" label on the Lower East Side as if the original name only connoted crack, whores, poor Puerto Ricans, and old Jews. (Actually, those attributes would be major selling points today.) But "Boro6" only refers to assholes being sold on fabulous skyline views while hoping to forget the shitty Indian restaurant on their corner that closes at 10. This whole site reeks of an out-of-work commuter's attempt to forge a PATH to legitimacy, but it only confirms that life in a shadow is indeed dark and creepy. Step off our handsomely dressed feet and go back to riding Kevin Smith's trenchcoat-tails.
From the Halls of Montauk Highway to the Shores of Tappan Zee...
Listen, there's only one New York (well, two if you count the real one and the other that certain downtown bloggers mythically write about) and there’s barely enough room for the boroughs we’re already stuck with. In fact, save the proselytizing for Staten Island and do everyone a favor by taking it off our hands. You provide a major disservice to Central Jersey by seeking to align its identity with the torchbearers of the almighty Empire. Likewise, do you think Southern Jersey prefers to fly its freak flag as a Philly suburb? Please peddle your version of state pride to the soccer moms, shoremen and farmers who need it when their kids only get accepted to Montclair State.
It's Mah-way or the Parkway...
From Mahwah to Rahway lies a mobius strip of the Garden State Parkway that tangles and clogs worse than a Turnpike rest stop bathroom. It represents Jersey's main vein being drained or shot up by Jason Mewes spending the last of his proverbial fat cash. Your unwashed asses have stolen our Lady Liberty and hijacked the Port Authority, moves that disgrace a national monument by geographical association and monopolizes maritime commerce for starters, respectively. You have gone out of bounds and any more advances into our bikini area will be met with a beatdown worse than Giuliani-era NYPD protocol. So give us your Deborah Harry's and Karen O's but stick to your snide of the river. Boro6? Let’s be perfectly clear and honest about this: don't pretend that you're viewed as anything but 2Close.
Warmly,
AK-47
Each day, Lasagnafarm listens for soft voices in the wilderness that, as we approach them, grow to a roar of bitterness and dissent. We like these voices; they make us consider the dispossessed, the unconscionable, and the dodgy as we would, on a typical day, the Olson Twins, Little Debbie cakes, or go-karts. Enjoy.
OPEN LETTER TO BORO6.COM
All Together Now: “What did Delaware, boys? Her New Jersey...”
Yes, let's talk about Boro6's toilet splash on the tri-me-state blog scene. First, I haven't been this disgusted with real estate fauxtaposing since the various attempts by gold-panning brokers in the early/mid '90s to throw the "LoHo" label on the Lower East Side as if the original name only connoted crack, whores, poor Puerto Ricans, and old Jews. (Actually, those attributes would be major selling points today.) But "Boro6" only refers to assholes being sold on fabulous skyline views while hoping to forget the shitty Indian restaurant on their corner that closes at 10. This whole site reeks of an out-of-work commuter's attempt to forge a PATH to legitimacy, but it only confirms that life in a shadow is indeed dark and creepy. Step off our handsomely dressed feet and go back to riding Kevin Smith's trenchcoat-tails.
From the Halls of Montauk Highway to the Shores of Tappan Zee...
Listen, there's only one New York (well, two if you count the real one and the other that certain downtown bloggers mythically write about) and there’s barely enough room for the boroughs we’re already stuck with. In fact, save the proselytizing for Staten Island and do everyone a favor by taking it off our hands. You provide a major disservice to Central Jersey by seeking to align its identity with the torchbearers of the almighty Empire. Likewise, do you think Southern Jersey prefers to fly its freak flag as a Philly suburb? Please peddle your version of state pride to the soccer moms, shoremen and farmers who need it when their kids only get accepted to Montclair State.
It's Mah-way or the Parkway...
From Mahwah to Rahway lies a mobius strip of the Garden State Parkway that tangles and clogs worse than a Turnpike rest stop bathroom. It represents Jersey's main vein being drained or shot up by Jason Mewes spending the last of his proverbial fat cash. Your unwashed asses have stolen our Lady Liberty and hijacked the Port Authority, moves that disgrace a national monument by geographical association and monopolizes maritime commerce for starters, respectively. You have gone out of bounds and any more advances into our bikini area will be met with a beatdown worse than Giuliani-era NYPD protocol. So give us your Deborah Harry's and Karen O's but stick to your snide of the river. Boro6? Let’s be perfectly clear and honest about this: don't pretend that you're viewed as anything but 2Close.
Warmly,
AK-47
posted by Michael at 1:17 PM
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