WITH A NOD TOWARD THE NEW YORK TIMES STYLE SECTION, AN INTERVIEW WITH SOMEONE WHO TURNED 30 AND HAS HAD A COUPLE OF YEARS TO THINK ABOUT IT

The New York Times, in a recent article, referred to turning 30 as a New "rite of passage." How did you celebrate this milestone?

There was a group of us turning 30 around the same time. We decided to put on a play to celebrate the occasion. We staged "Six Degrees of Separation," only rather than a gay black man, our lead was an elephant named Muriel with a bad memory. The metaphor was lost on most of the audience. Such are the risks of performing at a senior's center.

In the article, a fashionable NYC lady called 30 the new 22. Comments?

She is off by 1 year. Twenty-two as an age has no meaning. It is like saying, Gawker is the new colorful graphic on the bottom of each day's USA Today. Hmm... strike that; it sort of makes sense. Insert: Gawker is the new phrenology. Damn! Yet again! I can't help but pen marvelous metaphors! Woe!

How fabulous are you on a scale of one to ten?

7

Can you elaborate?

It's my lucky number. Also the age at which I was conceived, metaphorically, of course. Wait, that made no sense. That should be what Gawker is!

What advice would you offer to this year's crop of newly-minted 30-somethings?

An adverb ending in "ly" followed by a participle or adjective is always open. Shame on the NYTimes.

What advice would you offer to former National Security Advisor Zabignew Bresinski?

To change his name. As the National Security Advisor he should be able to move in and out of situations with the least amount of fanfare. Zabiganuestinki draws too much attention.

What is 2(27-14)*15(2)/6? Just kidding.

You are dead to me.