INTERVIEW WITH A MEMBER OF THE FARM WHO WAS ONCE KISSED BY A NOW FAMOUS ACTRESS IN THE SCHOOL AUDITORIUM DURING AN ALL-SCHOOL ASSEMBLY, THE PURPOSE OF WHICH HAS LONG ESCAPED HIM

Q: I heard that in high school you were once kissed by a now famous actress. Who was it?

A: I don't want to say.

Q: Come on. Tell me.

A: No, I shouldn't.

Q: Please. Just tell me.

A:  . . . No . . .

Q: Please?

A: . . .

Q: Dammit, just tell me.

A: Fine. Chloe Sevigny.

Q: Nice! . . . Swear it's true?

A: Promise.