Things to Do on Rainy Weekends, in Archaic English
Hauleth thine arse to a movie. Ordereth a "child" size popcorn, glutton.
Workest thou on scrapbook of trash that bloweth onto thine fire escape.
Seeketh from thine window passersby who doth don hats. Shooteth hats from heads with thine pump-action Gammo multishot BB rifle.
Endeth thine life in a manner spectacular. Meseemeth a strident leap from on high wouldst doeth the trick.