Bad to the Bone
Can the networks find anyone for its reality shows without an incriminating past? First Joe Millionaire's descended from the Hapsburgs, then Frenchie posed for Funny Uncle dot com, and now this guy groped a female officer in the service. Hey, what about me? In the name of full disclosure, here are some things I've done that I'm not proud of:

• Ran over a cat (I still have nightmares about cats clawing my flesh)
  
• Committed a Federal offence (her ex-boyfriend's mailbox deserved it)
• Bought mescaline in Washington Square Park (c'mon, it was the 80s)
• Punched a guy in the face and ran (You'd have run too, it was Bay Ridge. Plus, being on the receiving end of my scrawny fist was probably like being hit by an empty tube sock.)
• Egged a house